That’s it. I’m just going to stop even unpacking my suitcase at this point. I am clearly allergic to being in my apartment for more than two nights in a row. I just got back from LA two days ago and I already have plans to go up to The Lawyer’s tomorrow for some serious Pretend We Are North Shore Wives With No Jobs And Nothing To Do But Eat Lunch. Then I’m going straight from there to Boston to have partytimes with KT and NMRM on Friday and Saturday. What am I thinking!? And I didn’t mention this, but I was home in NY for Easter weekend in between LA weekends… so that is a grand total of: A really fucking long time being away from my apartment (remember I was house-sitting for 10 days before I went to LA the first time too!)
So LA weekend (… v.2) was even better than the first trip. The first trip will forever be the most amazing weekend of my life and was full of vomitworthy fairytale feelings and mush and all that. It was SO at his best and Beth at her best, and it was great. This time around, however, it was like everything was more relaxed and real and more… in the moment?
I think the first time, the feelings were so foreign and overwhelming, it made me feel like I had to figure out what to do with them righthenandthereandwhatisgoingtohappenomg. But this weekend, I think SO and I both realized we should just really enjoy the amazingness that is the first stages of dating. I’m supposed to be unsure and nervous and giddy and spontaneous right now… we don’t have to answer everything or figure out where this is all going at this moment. We can just… be.
And it’s fucking great. Eesh. I can hardly believe we are real sometimes.
In other news, I realized I never even wrote about how I quit The Restaurant Second Circle of Hell and started freelancing. Well, technically I quit the restaurant in a fit of irresponsibility before I knew that I had this freelancing gig lined up, but who’s looking at the exact dates really… (Answer: RI unemployment who is currently auditing me and I will probably lose benefits…. oops?)
So I’m pretty much working for myself and that is why I have been able to be a super jetsetter (Where to, Gumshoe?) and do all this spontaneous traveling.
The main thing on my mind right now is: what’s next? All I know is that I need NEED some stability, and soon.
Paycheck? Yes, coming in and fortunately I am using my brain/talents to make money (unlike waiting tables where I was using my ability to impersonate a brainless robot who loved spaghetti to make money). But my projects could end any minute and it’s terrifying. This is nothing like having a stable check.
Money in general that is not used to pay bills and eat? Wha? Huh? No.
Lovelife? Uh. Fantastic, but 3000 miles away and still really new. Talk about complicated.
Friends? Family? Things to do? ::looks to the left and right slowly:: Uhhh… not in this town!
Living situation? Condo that I rent is officially for sale. Could be sold any time and my lease is up August 31. Additionally, Rhode Island is a blowjob.
More about that, actually. I need to get OUT of here. I was waffling on whether or not to try to stay and make RI a home and make it work or to move somewhere else. TF sat me down a few weeks ago and looked me straight in the eye… “Beth. What are you doing? Get the hell out of this state. Your family doesn’t live here. I am your only friend here and I’m leaving soon too! Go. Get up and just GO.” I blinked at her a few times while what she said sunk in. And I realized just how right she was.
The next day, I walked out of my apartment and took a good look around. I do not love this place. I have tried to. I really have. I’ve been here for almost two years and I have tried to make it a home, but it is still not. I gave it a fair shot. It’s time to move on.
So the only decision that has been made right now is: NOT Rhode Island. The rest? Who the hell knows. All I know is that I have some major thinking to do.
35 Comments
April 22, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Good luck with the major thinking! I know how you feel. I was in a particular city for about 2 years and, try as I might, I couldn’t find myself loving it there. I moved to the other side of the country and turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
April 23, 2009 at 12:26 am
when me and the man first got together it was a long distance thing as well and we met online too. the 1st weekend was so insanely crazy
(like yours with SO–who is awesome, btw! but you know that ;)
and i would consider moving cali if i was in your shoes. seriously! since you’re “Between” jobs if you can get a place there i’d go for it… Me and Mine moved in together immediatly.. he moved in with me and my exroomate before we got our place together…
but alas, all lives are different!!
good luck sweety! I’ll be checking in :)
April 23, 2009 at 1:38 am
Not Rhode Island is a great place to start. I also suggest Not Florida because it is entirely too humid.
April 23, 2009 at 4:46 am
RI is a blowjob? I thought you hated it? Is this a negative thing? Is this a trick statement?
April 23, 2009 at 5:14 am
I also know the feeling of trying so darn hard to like a city only to be miserable there. Luckily, I eventually made peace with Seattle (and I made a few friends along the way).
April 23, 2009 at 6:35 am
Re; So@24, imagine So@24 as a rider of a magnificent horse that can help you escape from your present circumstances. Do you like the rider of the horse or his horse?
April 23, 2009 at 8:01 am
What an exciting time in your life. To have no commitments to the place where you are now and a world of opportunity at your doorstep? Make the most of the freedoms you have now. Most people eventually chose to give up those freedoms for more stability. I know that’s what you’re looking for, but you should also enjoy where you are right now! Good luck with all your decisions!
April 23, 2009 at 8:27 am
I’m with Nilsa! Embrace this freedom because it doesn’t come often, and often it doesn’t stay! Get out of RI, but the beauty of it is that you can do anything! Just don’t let the options overwhelm you and cause you to do nothing by default. :)
April 23, 2009 at 8:32 am
Ok…this is me trying not to take the “I am your only friend here” comment personally. I am failing miserably. I thought we had something special :( Perfect scallop risotto anyone?
April 23, 2009 at 8:42 am
I love you, mama!
Step 1: Cut a hole in the box
Step 2: Put yo di….
Ok, really
1: Party with me and KT and Hair Dye (like that one?) this weekend, and enjoy it because who the heck knows the next time we will all be in once city together.
2: Make some moneys, save that moneys, and start planning the most incredible road trip starring me as your co-pilot for September
C: Last… SO “RI is a blowjob? I thought you hated it? Is this a negative thing? Is this a trick statement?” Get your priorities straight. I did not raise you to scoff at blow jobs!
April 23, 2009 at 9:11 am
I say move on. Your life is looking you straight in the eye and telling you to get the F* out of there.
April 23, 2009 at 9:22 am
You’ve been blogging about how much you hate RI for a while I have been expecting to find a post that says you are getting the eff out of there already…now that things are going so well, just pack your shit and find somewhere else to sleep :-)
April 23, 2009 at 11:07 am
So glad things are going well for you & SO :) Complicated as it might be.
ANd like I said when we met up in NY – get out of RI while you still can!!! OUT OUT OUT!
April 23, 2009 at 11:13 am
East Coast or West Coast? That is the question.
And yes, RI is a shithole
April 23, 2009 at 11:27 am
Sara – I’m with you girl.
Beth – We are officially in a fight per the comment you made on your blog, below.
“Friends? Family? Things to do? ::looks to the left and right slowly:: Uhhh… not in this town!”
April 23, 2009 at 11:42 am
I want to add to facetimeblogs comment with my new favorite fake rap…I’m on a boat, I’m going real fast. You could live on a boat like a real gangsta, in the manch harbor and ill bring you magazines and chips.
April 23, 2009 at 11:51 am
do you want to be looking back 5 years from now and dealing with the shouda, woulda, coulda’s? Change is scary but great. get your ass to California, or anywhere else for that matter!
April 23, 2009 at 11:54 am
I don’t know you so I’m not giving you advice at all, just stating sociological facts: It takes about 6 months not to feel new; it takes about a year to feel like you’re fitting in; and it takes THREE years to make any place feel at home. Three. Stating this only for future reference.
April 23, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Ok as much as I would love to see you moe to LA and make the saga a soap opera, I also highly suggest San Francisco, because even though I am from south of LA, every time I visit San Francisco I fall newly in love with that city. It’s just awesome for twenty somethings..its got a great nightlife, small yet happening…seriously, consider it.
April 23, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Are the freelance gigs the kind you could do from anywhere? If so, and you can create a relatively steady stream of them, why not ‘test out’ a few spots, for a few months at a time?
SoCal is an obvious one due to one boy who’d you make insanely happy by moving here, but towards family and/or good friends is always good too. You’re still young and (technically) single, so there will not be a better time for this type of experimentation. Just sayin….
Good luck!
April 23, 2009 at 3:42 pm
well, good luck with making your decision! Where would you move to?
April 23, 2009 at 4:03 pm
OMG YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MOVE TO LA.
Just kidding. You should move to San Francisco. Which is way cooler (I an a NorCal person and will hate So-Cal until the day I die).
Anyway. I totally admire you right now. You quit your crap job, got an awesome, if unstable one, and traveled across the country twice to see an awesome man. Seriously, you are my hero. I will try and keep this in mine when I am living at my parents house in a week trying to figure out my life. UGH.
April 23, 2009 at 6:43 pm
I wish I had the freedom to not work and find something I really WANTED to do.
Enjoy it while you have it.
April 23, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Last time I checked, blowjobs are awesome, so does that mean you love RI?
April 23, 2009 at 8:53 pm
The Lawyer
April 23, 2009 at 11:42 am
I want to add to facetimeblogs comment with my new favorite fake rap…I’m on a boat, I’m going real fast. You could live on a boat like a real gangsta, in the manch harbor and ill bring you magazines and chips.
Beth… I need you to make this happen for me. Time is-a-tickin.
April 23, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I smell adventure on your horizon… wonderful, wonderful adventure. :-) Enjoy it!
April 23, 2009 at 10:01 pm
I’m with Elizabeth. I’m a NorCal girl and will hate SoCal until the day I die
And I won’t say to move to LA because I don’t need to be punched in the face today (my job does that enough thankyouverymuch) but I do vote for the West Coast in general.
April 24, 2009 at 12:52 pm
1) Blowjobs are GREAT, wtf are you talking about?
2) COME TO CHICAGOOOO I NEED A ROOMMATE FOR JULYYYYYYY.
April 25, 2009 at 9:53 am
Sounds like you have a lot of major decisions to make. The good thing is that being young and relatively unattached to family commitments, you can make a move across the country or wherever you want to! I know a lot of people are recommending areas, so I’m going to throw out the DC metro area. We have been pretty much unaffected by the recession because most companies in the area work on government contracts, which run 5 years+. But if I were you, I would jump at the chance to move to CA and be closer to my new love interest :) Good luck with everything!
April 25, 2009 at 4:03 pm
i’m really enjoying this new saga in your life :)
April 27, 2009 at 11:34 am
You’re turning an important page of a very big chapter in your life .. (don’t I sound like a fortune cookie???) .. it sounds fun and scary and exciting !
Try to enjoy it for what it is, it’ll be over in a flash .. well the unstable part .. not the fun part !
April 27, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Oh I SO had that CD-ROM. Do not even get me started.
April 28, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Yikes, hang in there!
“Rhode Island is a blowjob” would look awfully nice on a bumper sticker or on a sign welcoming you to Rhode Island.
May 22, 2009 at 4:01 pm
awww! i live in rhode island (see blog name) and LOVE it. then again i also know that I am OUT in 9 weeks for city life in Philly so that might be why?????
May 27, 2009 at 11:02 pm
dude, I feel this. More than a little. Stressful, huh?
good luck.