Face Time!

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I’m pretty busy tending to my blog heart out in LA right now, but the amazing Not My Real Mom has been kind enough to fill in for me.  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be wrapped up in this crazy blog world and NOT be a blogger?  Also, have you ever wondered if I ever almost had a threesome with a hick in a tent?  Wonder no more:

With Beth out of town gallivanting around Disney Land with Mickey, Minnie, and some dude, I graciously offered my services to fill the void for her avid readers. I myself am not a blogger, but I have been featured many times here. As her one and only real fake Mom (a.k.a. Not My Real Mom), I did the only logical thing—threatened to tell all of her friends about the insane shit we used to do with this creep (Click it, you will not be disappointed) or give me some FACE TIME! I feel like the Karrine Steffans of the blogging community…

So, when Beth decided to start a blog my immediate response was to snort and pretend to adjust my pocket protector. But, being the true friend that I am, I agreed to read her blog no matter how terrible it was. Lucky for me her blog is fucking hilarious and through her success I have established an uncomfortable voyeuristic relationship with many of you bloggers out there. 

It’s like… I have so much to say to all of you! But, I have no avenue to crack a lude joke, or praise your TMI Thursdays (Maxie, I LOVE YOU—call me), or hate on your 84,6473,282th post about how hot, skinny, and generally boring you are without being that ominous “Anonymous” commenter. And, if you didn’t understand it before I crave FACE TIME!

So, back to why I am here… Beth and my relationship blossomed the summer when we were 16. We were at a sleep over with 2 of our other friends, talking about boys and showing each other our boobs. Beth was about to go on vacation for 2 weeks with her family in their super sweet RV and she was allowed to bring a friend. After asking and being rejected by both of the other girls at the party, she finally landed on me. Oh my gosh 3^rd choice is better than no choice—sign me up!

Over the course of the vacation we developed an unhealthy obsession with a Six Flags entertainment act called “The Extreme Diving Team”, spoke in a secret language that her parents couldn’t understand (fuck, kids are annoying), and almost had a threesome.

I know, CRAZY—our own language! It was like this weird voice that we would do and it—oh, you don’t care about that part…

His name was Bubby, and he was the most breathtaking full-time resident in the trailer park that week. (Side Note: That was his real name. Bubby’s mom introduced him as such. She also wore a muumuu and had approximately 8 teeth, but that’s neither here nor there.) In the days we would ride around in his canoe, and come night time he would take us over to the trailer rec. hall for Bingo.  After spending a week with our young Casanova our teenage hormones were surging through our bodies and one night we invited Bubby to our tent after dark. We were fully prepared to share his attention that night… and we waited, and waited and Bubby never showed! BUBBY, YOU FOOL!!! I am fairly certain that he never learned to read, and he probably knocked up his cousin a couple times by now but Bubby if you’re reading this, it’s ok, we forgive you. The question is… can you forgive yourself?

…Fuck it. I’m starting a blog.

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Tags: blogging from the sexy dojo, my best friend is starting a blog and she is fucking hilarious, we were very horny teenagers, yea we went camping at trailer parks sometimes