The Attraction Continuum

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I’ve openly admitted before that I am very, very picky.  I’ve exasperated more than one friend with my picky antics in the past.  But, I’m not picky like a lot of people are… that is, I don’t have my list of “must-haves” in an ideal partner and I don’t really have any defined deal-breakers.  (Although, based on the total la-hooo-sirs I usually date, maybe I should think about having some.)  

What I am picky about is the intangible, the attraction, the chemistry, the spark, the zsa-zsa-zsu, etc.  I have always had my own definitions of it, but I’ve never put it into words until now.  I present to you…

Beth’s Attraction Continuum

Allow me to explain (what, that visual doesn’t make complete sense?):

Level 1: The Smush:  This one is pretty easy to get… it is the cheek pinch.  The “OMG YOU ARE SO CUTEEEEE”.  The feeling that you just want to grin stupidly at someone for awhile.  The Smush is relatively platonic, but it is the beginnings of really enjoying being around someone.

Level 2: The Smash:  This one is best described in a scenario.  Think of the beginnings of dating someone… just a few weeks in.  You may have kissed a few times, been on a few dates, whatever.  Or maybe you are just good friends who recently had a drunken hook-up (oops) and are now wondering if it could go somewhere.  OK, so now you are at a party with that person, but you are talking to different groups of people on opposite sides of the room.  During a particularly boring story about your co-worker’s dog, you glance at your love interest across the room and it hits you like a fucking train: you want to SMASH into that person.  Just go up to them and press your skin against theirs in as many places as you can.  The Smash usually comes out of nowhere.  It’s the first sign that you want to pinch a totally different set of cheeks than in The Smush.

Level 3: The Lick:  The Lick is when you look at someone and just. want. to. lick. them.  I usually get The Lick when I have been in Smash mode for awhile, and I am creepily staring at that person do some menial task.  I get it a lot by looking at hands, arms, or necks.  The Lick is a point of no return.  It is the full acknowledgment that you want to throw someone down and explore their body with your tongue.  The Lick requires a certain amount of comfort mixed with sexual tension.  The Lick does not come easy to me.

Level 4: The Play-Doh:  Until recently, I wasn’t aware there was a level above and beyond The Lick.  I thought it ended there.  (Because I have never experienced a level beyond The Lick, of course, so how could I know?)  But, it was recently pointed out that there is a level above:  The Mesh, also known as The Gray Play-Doh.  You know, when you were little and just HAD to make a cheeseburger out of your different colors (complete with tiny sesame seeds!), and instead of carefully disassembling it at the end you went NUTS and mashed it all together to form a giant ball of gray.  This is when you are the proverbial “One” with another person.  I feel this is explained nicely in The Spice Girls classic “2 become 1″… read:

Candlelight and soul forever 
Dream of you and me together 
Say you believe it, say you believe it 
Free your mind of doubt and danger 
be for real, don’t be a stranger 
We can achieve it, we can achieve it 
Come a little bit closer, baby, get it on… get it on 
’cause tonight is the night, when 2 become 1 

I believe those romantic and inspiring lyrics say it all.

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Tags: 2 become 1, get it on get it on, here's to holding out for The Play-Doh, i just want to lick your skin, i should get some deal-breakers, salty sailors, the attraction continuum, the spice girls are lyrical masters