Well crap. I made out with Nate last night.
He came over to carry a TV up my stairs for me (because YES, I am THAT SINGLE GIRL who can’t carry heavy things up her stairs and has to make her guy friends come do it for her). In case you don’t feel like reading up on it, Nate is a friend of mine who I have considered dating but just never really felt like following through on. He’s Shorty’s coworker and Big Mo’s old roommate… and as Shorty just said: “It doesn’t get more small town than that. And considering this is a city… even more ridiculous.”
Anyways, now I see that the problem wasn’t that Nate and I weren’t attracted to each other, the problem was that there just wasn’t enough pale ale pumping through our bodies. Ohhhhh. Clears things right up.
So he carries my TV up; an act that is immediately rewarded with a Sierra Nevada. We are chatting, watching TV and all of sudden through the whole six pack. Oops. Being the three beer queer that I am, I decide that I need some nachos. Offff course. So I make him take me around the corner to a Mexican place where we eat nachos and drink even more.
Here is where the conversation turns to sex and we start swapping sexual stories in public because we are just that drunk. You know, I tell him a dirty story, he tells me one. (And yes, I do have dirty stories even though they are few and far between… I have gotten my freak on in the past… believe it or not.)
“So Beth, when is the last time you got laid?” he asked.
“Hmm…. Thanksgiving? Yea… Thanksgiving.”
“OK, and when before that….”
“Ummm…. ah. Um…. Um…. Oh God… July?”
…
“WHAT!??”
So he pushes and gets it out of me that I have only had sex like four times in the past two years (I know, I KNOW… it hurts to type it) and he can’t believe it.
“Beth, you are WAY too hot to not be sleeping with someone regularly. Wow. We need to fix that.” he said.
Ahem. I think we all know where this is going.
Fast forward to my couch again where he puts the moves on me.
In my head:
Good kisser? Check.
Am I getting turned on? Fuck I’m drunk.
Beth! Concentrate! Someone is kissing you right now!
Oh God my underwear has polar bears on it and is four years old.
BETH! Do. You. Like. This.
Uhm… wait, what?
I try to break away to take a second to gather my thoughts and decide if I want to continue this or not. Nate loops an arm around my waist and pulls me roughly under him. He grabs my hands, pins them over my head and kisses me fiercely, biting my lip. I lose my breath and… oh yes. I like this.
[I need to interrupt this story to say... is there anything better in the world than a guy pinning your arms above your head and kissing you like he means business? Really, there is not.]
Nate is literally not letting me move and I am lovin’ it. He breaks away for a second to mutter, “Fuck, you are the best kisser I think I’ve ever… fuck.” and continues to bite my neck.
Well, crap again. Because I know I am an idiot but I totally fall for shit like that. Compliments. Sexy compliments. And combined with rough, dominating kissing? I am TOAST CITY.
The kissing continues until there are shirts that are unbuttoned, halfway off… skin to skin contact. And I all-of-a-sudden remember: old polar bear underwear. And a… downtown train station that hasn’t been cleaned up recently. If you know what I mean. Also I am sobering up and it is 2 a.m. and I am realizing that I don’t know where I want this to go and I really just shouldn’t let it go too far if I’m not sure about it.
So I stop us and he is okay with it because he has to work the next day anyway sooo… it was okay. So he left and now it is this morning. And I am hungover and a little confused and tired and… sigh.
OK, so this is my question… ladies, have you ever stopped something 90% because your downtown train station was not in the state you prefer and/or your underwear was embarrassing? Because I always think about this and I usually won’t go there with someone if my train station isn’t clean and pretty. But am I too sensitive about it? Guys, have you ever hooked up with a girl who had on embarrassing underwear and she admittedly wasn’t expecting a hook-up sooo things are a little Au Natural? Do you care? Is this whole conversation gross and you are going to stop reading my blog now? OK, sorry.
I have to go try to get over my hangover and go to the gym or get a job or something. Man. I am a hormonally-crazed teenager sometimes.
36 Comments
January 21, 2009 at 2:55 pm
alrighty. this next statement has the possibility of making me sound like a whore just like the previous statement quite possibly made me sound like a nerdy man in his 60’s: I neglect the downtown station on purpose sometimes so that I don’t get caught in a drunk situation and make a bad decision. It’s kind of a safety net. And that statement gave me a gross visual. Have a good day!
January 21, 2009 at 2:58 pm
ps: new blog that my family and clients DON’T read: http://www.jordan-unabridged.blogspot.com.
January 21, 2009 at 3:31 pm
i have totally stopped it before due to those circumstances. i have also done what jordans done as well. i think youre totally justified for stopping for those reasons. hopefully i see you tonight… but im glad youre hungover for good reasons.
January 21, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Women think about all that while making out?
You know what men think about?
“La-la-la-la-la-la…I hope her bra isn’t difficult to take off…la-la-la-la-la…”
January 21, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I’m pretty sure most guys wouldn’t care if they were walking into the Amazon if they were going to get some.
January 21, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I’m floundering here. I’m so clearly married and out of the dating scene. But, I say so long as you’re both having fun, quit thinking about things for one night and let it go where things may!
January 21, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I’m aware of it and I start to worry if I need some trimmin’ up down there, but I usually just go for it anyway. Like rs27 said—they’re going to put up with it if they are gonna get some.
January 21, 2009 at 5:12 pm
I’ve never stopped for undies, but definatly for the train station. I had hand surgery last year which left me crippled for over a month and neglected DTS. My BF said he doesn’t mind it if it isn’t totally groomed. Like everyone says, as long as they get some. I groom still, but not every day like I used to since BF made that comment. He hasn’t mentioned anything negative and that has been over a year ago.
-R
January 21, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Oh man, I definitely would NOT go through with it if I was not in tip-top shape! What if it’s a once night stand and he doesn’t realize how clean and well-kept your train station is?! He will forever remember the best kisser with the train station in serious need of janitorial services. Good move Ma… you did the right thing.
January 21, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Arjewtino – YES women think about that during make out sessions.
Beth – I would’ve done the same thing in your shoes. Undies, I don’t much care about.. but an unkempt area? Oh hellz no. No one is seeing it like that and the winter + no man = well.. just guess.
January 21, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Ohhhh I am such a sucker for compliments, too. Any compliments at all…except for back-handed ones. But really, any compliment and I’m yours. Sexy compliments – as you say – I’m toast.
And yeah, I’ve stopped things from getting to a certain point bc of what you say…
January 21, 2009 at 6:27 pm
This might sound really dumb, but I usually know when I’m going to get some- or like if I’m going out and I think there is a possibility I clean up nicely. I’ve never been caught in that situation- I was taught in Girl Scouts to always be prepared :)
PS- that kissing scene sounded hot which makes me sad considering my post today :(
January 21, 2009 at 7:29 pm
What rs27 said.
For me, a neatly groomed … ahem … “train station” is more of a bonus than a requirement. Unless its like an untouched rainforest it wouldn’t bother me. The underpants situation isn’t a big deal to me either. I might poke fun at you and your awesome polar bears but that’s about it.
January 21, 2009 at 9:08 pm
As you know, I was a college cheerleader. One Summer day, during cheerleading camp, we all had to take showers in this giant prison style shower. Think really low budget B movie with cheerleaders–think every stereotype you’ve ever heard. Anyway, out of nowhere, the hot Italian chick, we’ll call her Surgeon (you’ll see why), yells, “Holy Shit, what the fuck is that?!”. We all look and Surgeon is pointing at the cutest’s cheerleader’s giant bush. We’ll call her Bushy. Now, Bushy is only 5 feet tall, very pretty, and has a literal afro coming out of her pelvis. I mean, its more hair than anything in those 1970’s playboys. It all unwound and wirey and sticking out all over. I don’t know how she hid it so long since we had to wear those lollypop pants. She must have looked like she had a penis. We must have all been in denial–or more likely, we were too self-absorbed. Well, turns out, the poor girl’s mother never told her about trimming up her Downtown Train Station, as you say (and I love). Oh if only I had this conversation on tape! So, Surgeon goes, “Girlll, you’s got to trim that bush!!”. She then proceeded to pin her to the wall, call for scissors, like a surgeon, and cut. Somehow this was all acceptable and not awkward. Maybe because we were in Queens. Anyway, it was wild. I’ll never forget it my whole life. I think when I’m senile, I might randomly yell, “Girl, you’s got to trim that bush!”
January 21, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Guys dont care unless we have to go down there to put in work.
Then we expect things a certain way.
January 21, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Interesting. In a guy playing guitar, singing to a girl in a jean skirt about summer nights and romances over ice cream at that special park bench, caught up in the moment under stars and spilled chocolate chips, Dashboard Confessional all too emo romantic kind of way.
(That was a compliment, by the way, ha) Nice blog you’ve got going on here. Stop by mine!
Leave comments :)
http://fromahouseonbrownave.wordpress.com/
January 21, 2009 at 10:03 pm
one time it didn’t stop me – even though i had purposefully let the station go to mild disrepair, as well as the train tracks (thats my legs for anyone who can’t keep up with the analogy) so i could make sure he ‘liked me for me’ first – and well, it was no big deal that night, but waking up the next morning i could’ve died when he touched my leg. actually i did die, and then he said he didn’t care and i was revived. he and i had 6 months worth of one-night stands (and oh yeah, a ‘non-relationship’) after that, so i guess he really didn’t care.
January 21, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I have been with some girls who make a comment about the train station not being taken care of in a while and most times it really isn’t bad. I have only hooked up with one girl where I was like “Wow, that is kinda gross.”
As Matt said, it really does not matter unless you go down there to put in some other type of work.
January 21, 2009 at 11:29 pm
ok the part you bolded? damn fucking straight – hot.
i normally stop sex because i realize i probably shouldn’t be sleeping with the character i’m with – not because i don’t have the sexiest underwear on. if it’s in my mind that i’m having sex honestly my underwear doesn’t matter, it’s coming off anyway right?
January 22, 2009 at 5:20 am
Hmm… yes. I have encountered this, but it wasn’t the worst thing. I mean as long as it isn’t a forest. I’ve actually hooked up with a girl who hadn’t shaved her legs in a while (it was winter). As long as the train station is open, trains will pass through. Guaranteed.
January 22, 2009 at 10:32 am
I have totally done what Jordan describes. In college I would intentionally not shave my legs if I was going to a frat party thinking even if my inhabitations were three sheets to the wind by pride would never be and I refused to be known on the frat circuit as an Amazon woman. Shit…I think I just let the world wide web know that I was known on the frat circuit at all. I was young and in college and stupid…so very, very, stupid.
January 22, 2009 at 11:01 am
Dude, you’re a hot girl and this was a random, bonus hookup for you both. You could have had hair on your back and he probably wouldn’t have cared.
As for the polar bear undies. I love making fun of girls’ cute/funny underpants. Undies, particularly if they come off at some point, are never an issue.
January 22, 2009 at 11:42 am
Guys do not care. Not at all. Never. Ever.
January 22, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Bolded section: TOTAL agreement.
Undies: No biggie.
DTS: Grooming, no biggie. Weirded out by possible cleanliness since had showered in the morning and not ten minutes before hookup…train station closed.
January 22, 2009 at 4:43 pm
ACTUALLY, this same senario happened to me this weekend. It was awkward. The whole time I was like, “uhhh, I think I just want to be friends. If I were sober this wouldn’t be happening…..oh, hmm, this is nice.”
I love compliments and have stopped things because of what you said…I feel like guys definitely care, at least a little bit.
Anyway, this made me laugh so hard. You’re hilarious.
January 22, 2009 at 5:30 pm
I have had a few situations where it was real bad in the DTS region, but for the most part it has never been bad, but I do agree with Matt and Witty if I’m going to DTS to put in some extra effort I’d prefer it cleaned up.
January 22, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Dude. It happens to everyone. Not cleaning up your lady business is one way to MAKE SURE you do not sleep with someone innapropriate. It would stop me.
Ok, that is total bullshit. I haven’t gotten laid since September. My standards just aren’t that high.
Speaking of making out with innapropriate people. I made out with my guy BFF like, two weeks ago. He maintains that I was my drunk ass that initiated the kissing. I maintain that it was his public groping that initiated it.
shit happens.
January 22, 2009 at 6:46 pm
holy shit this post is HOT!
sexy underwear or cute underwear it’s all the same. sexy is nice the night of but cute is better conversation starter the next day.
as for the train station, as long as it’s not like the Lawyer’s friend Bushy, it’s all good
January 23, 2009 at 1:41 pm
1. I have polar bear boxers. Same undies FTW
2. Girls fucking STOP because they are self conscious of their underwear????
I would have rather not known that. It makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a melon baller. Guys don’t care about your underwear! It’s coming off anyway!
3. Sex 4 times a year > 0 sex in 2 years
January 23, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I always have my situation under control. However, were my bush as over grown as the Congo I still wouldn’t care.
And neither do guys.
The Polar Bear undies are a different story…
January 25, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I just found your blog and I love it! I’ll definitely be back :)
January 25, 2009 at 4:07 pm
The part about the Polar Bear underwear is too funny! The first time I was with my boyfriend I think I had on cupcakes :) Oops!
January 27, 2009 at 11:03 am
[...] About Well, that’s one way to say, “Thanks for carrying my TV!” [...]
January 27, 2009 at 2:42 pm
No guy would ever care about pulling his train into the station, but most probably wouldn’t order appetizers.
January 29, 2009 at 4:46 pm
this post was totally hilarious. and hot. you should write one of those romance novels… hehehe
April 16, 2009 at 8:47 pm
I absolutely would make an exuse and not go through with it if my DTS was not up to par. I don’t know how much guys mind, I mean it seems like they should understand that if you’re not expecting company you neglect certain things but they don’t. Plus if you’ve been dating him a while it’s another story all together. But it being something like you’ve described, I don’t blame you at all for stopping things although it must have been difficult because there really is nothing better then intentful kisses as he pins your hands and takes control, and after the biting on the neck….*sigh* I think I would have cursed myself for at least a week for not being prepared, lol.