Further Dangers of The Band Guy

Jump to Comments

OK… so this is coming a little bit late (technically it is almost 2 a.m. here in Texas, meaning it is not even Wednesday anymore) but I participated in the 20-something blog swap and I am posting the entry now… late is the new black, didn’t you know?  Anyways, check it out and then go read my entry on Candice’s site.  <3

Todays guest post is brought to you by
Candice
from
Negativesmart.
This is all part of the 20 Something Bloggers “Blog Swap 3“.
Don’t forget to go check out my post over on her site.

Beth has already cautioned you about the of dangers of The Band Guy, but I fear that her warning may not have been strong enough, and so I feel that I must add to her words. I fear, to be honest, that no warning can ever suffice. The lure of The Band Guy, almost without exception, is simply far too great for even the most well-informed female to resist. I should know. I’ve dated my share. I did not learn my lesson. I’ve been well acquainted with countless others. I did not learn my lesson. I am now married to one. I still have not learned my lesson.

I don’t agree that most musicians are “attention-starved, manipulating, self-loving individuals”. Attention-starved, yes. This is a necessary survival skill for The Band Guy. Without it, he would merely be The Checkout Boy, or The Pizza Delivery Guy, for the band could not sustain itself, and may never have existed to begin with. Manipulating, yes. Perhaps they don’t begin the manipulation intentionally. Eventually, though, he realizes that in competition with other females for a taste of the intoxicating attention he attracts, a female will allow herself to become little more than a ball of putty in his hands. The temptation to get his own way constantly becomes irresistible, and it is so easy to manage that he will settle for nothing less. But self-loving? Not necessarily. The Band Guy also comes in self-loathing and insecure breeds. And I would argue that they are far, far more dangerous than the alternative. Beware the non-cocky musician.

The self-loving Band Guy becomes tiresome to those he attracts. He keeps every drop of adoration for himself, and his greed breeds resentment. And he is not loyal — since he thinks he’s such hot shit, he truly believes that he can get away with everything, and he does. Eventually, most of his victims catch on, and consequently, move on. Lesson learned.

All of my Band Guys have been more insecure. They come with all of the disadvantages of the regular variety, but they are so much more difficult to escape. They crave attention, but they need constant reassurance that the attention is positive and well-deserved. They are manipulative, but it presents itself as neediness more often than greed, since they don’t feel entitled. And their insecurity presents itself as a need for approval. Yes, they need you. To protect them. To nurture them. To care for them like a newborn puppy. Exactly the instincts that many females like myself can’t resist acting on. How could I possibly abandon such a helpless creature? One that creates such beautiful music. Especially when I am personally feeding the monster, bringing attention not only to him, but to myself. With Insecure Band Guy, I can feel that some of the credit for his success belongs to me. Yes, I’m an Attention Whore myself.

And so, here I am. I work 9-5 to provide for us. My husband works part time or not at all, because he needs frequent time off to tour and create. Right now, he is in another state having fun and making memories, while I stay at home to take care of things. The music that initially attracts becomes a common annoyance — remember that each song, each chord, each note must be practiced over, and over, and over again (and with Insecure Band Guy, this can go on indefinitely, since nothing is ever good enough). Everybody knows who he is, and I while I get to spend time backstage, too, my name is effectively And One. There is a constant stream of transient musicians on my couch, stinking up the place (not much time for showering on tours). Jealousy brews. He gets to have all the fun! But that’s jealousy tinged with guilt — after all, he is an artist, and I should be satisfied (honoured!) to be his muse, shouldn’t I? I know that Sirens are traditionally female, but I can’t help feeling like I’m throwing myself against the rocks, repeatedly, sometimes. Willingly. And I’ll never escape! But more often, I feel like I’m creating something myself, and my Band Guy is my work of art. My name is in his liner notes. It’s listed in conjunction with his on Wikipedia. People want to be my friend, before they know a thing about me. There’s some kind of power there. I’m almost a somebody, and it’s effortless on my part. In fact, I think I’ve just determined that I am the monster here — orchestrating the entire situation from behind the scenes, claiming everything he achieves, since he sometimes feels he could not achieve those things alone, as also being my own. Ooooooh, I’m a greedy one!

Band Guys, be wary. You might accidentally become afflicted with a Muse.

4 Comments

Filed under random

Tags: band guys are strange and uncomfortable, blog swap, guest post, i love candice, negative smart