So while I was hanging with my parents and brother in NH this weekend, I spent some time reading through my blog deciding if it would be appropriate to tell them about it/send the link to them or not. The verdict is still out on that, but after reading everything I’ve posted so far in succession, my first thought was:
“huh… that was interesting. All signs in this blog point to me being… an idiot.”
Based on what I’ve talked about so far, I’m a financially-retarded, lazy, drunken, blond bimbo who does things like signing two leases without thinking and going on dates with guys she clearly doesn’t like. The bimbo also has attention-whoring mood swings and alarming jealousy issues. And she is a little bit bad at things like breaking up her paragraphs and not using excessive commas and sometimes her sentences are run-ons and what the hell are all those parentheses about and is she seriously in communications because look at her writing!?
So, what do I do about this? I’m not sure. When I started this blog, I assured myself that my writing didn’t have to be top-notch and that I didn’t have to present myself as perfect (remember my hang-ups with being perfect?). If I didn’t want to write about political policies or current events or even use big words just so people would think I am incredibly brilliant and opinionated, I don’t have to! If I come across as self-obsessed (which I very much do), that’s okay because guess what? This is a blog about ME and that’s the whole friekin’ point.
So I’ve tried to be as free-flowing as possible, and it has worked… I love writing here and I have never pressured myself to write about something in a certain way just to make myself be perceived as something. I recently got some feedback from KT about my style on here… she likened it to the style of “Eat, Pray, Love.” This is an amazing complement because that’s a fantastic book, but she said it was good and bad. Good because there are some really amazing nuggets of humor and insight if you read carefully, but there is still something about the writing that is… trying or distant. She found it hard to explain.
I feel torn… on one hand, I don’t want to pressure myself to write or edit just to appear more complex, caring, and intelligent. On the other hand, I would like to use these recent observations to get to the heart of the issue and examine the way I think about things and why. Maybe there are ways to approach things without thinking automatically of how they affect only me, while still staying true to telling my story.
In general, I feel that maybe I just have to accept this blog for what it is (and me for what I am!) and continue to write as I have been. My hope is that even though I am writing about trivial things at times, at least I am still writing and all of it will help me become better and smarter. And I know in my heart that I am not shallow or simple or uncaring or any of those things, so maybe I just have to trust in that.
A few lists:
Things that have to change in the blog (and in my head!)
1) Be less self-deprecating! I can really be negative about myself sometimes, and that’s just insane. I’m awesome and I need to know that all the time. Also, there were moments in my writing where I said negative things because I was fishing for attention (and that is okay sometimes as I am only human and at least I acknowledge my need for attention) and I need to be more careful about that.
2) Try to clean up the writing just a tad. I need to break up my huge steam-of-consciousness paragraphs and use more dialogue to make for easier reading. I can’t promise anything about the comma and parentheses situation though (excessive, use, of, them, in, these, parts, no?)
And for the record:
1) I am aware of current events and politics and I have (some) opinions about them. I just have a fear of putting them in writing because I am scared of crazy people who care way more than me and will attack… I don’t care that much that I would have the energy to fight back.
2) I have been living on my own and making my own money/paying my bills since I was 18, and that apartment thing was my first huge mistake, so I think it was allowed.
3) I do know how to write good well, if I have to. I just don’t want to have to. (It’s my blog and I’ll run-on if I want to, run-on if I want to!)
4) I’m really a brunette disguised as a blond!
4 Comments
October 20, 2008 at 12:58 pm
like 90% good only like 10% bad!! sorry i missed the toast:( i really wanted to go.. i had class at 930am the next day tho, and i didnt get out of class until 645… im so excited for you and the apartment tho…<333 you
October 20, 2008 at 12:59 pm
ps definitely not an airhead.
November 19, 2008 at 8:50 pm
[...] I’ve talked about my occasional airheadedness in the past. But at least I present myself to the world with a little bit of class and [...]
May 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Longest sentence in this blog: 45 glorious words. Anyone can write a sentence with 10 words in it. I call that under achieving. 45 though ; p , “Way to express yourself.”
It’s your blog; do what you want with it. : D