I’ve been naughty.

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I said to Shorty earlier tonight “I think I might get assassinated if I don’t update my blog tonight.”  She agreed.

I have several things to address.  A series of events that have been my life this week.

Last Friday.  Remember how I was plotting some entertaining events for you people?  Well, I was (once again) an epic fail.  I tried though, I really did.  So I texted NMT and asked what he was up to.  He was going to a party and asked me to come.  OK!  Awesome!  So here was our text conversation after that.

Me: Want to come over and hang with me before we go?

NMT: I’m actually with my friend already… i’ll text you later

Me: OK cool

NMT: The party is at [address]… meet us there at 10?

(What??  He’s not going to pick me up??  Wait, he just texted me again…)

NMT: You should bring all your friends!!!

(…he did not just seriously text me that.)

Me: Actually, I have a headache.  I’m just going to stay home.

NMT: Whaatttt!?  Noooooo :(

NMT: …?

NMT: … :(  :(

NMT: :(

… what??  WHAT?! I’m really sorry for letting you down blogsters, but I really just couldn’t. Maybe I’m not brave enough. But not only did those two texts really piss me off, they also made me feel really bad about myself, which is ridiculous.  The only reason I was texting him to hang out was because all my friends were out of town!!  And those two texts in succession??  NO!  I will NOT meet you at a party BY MYSELF where I don’t know anyone!  You pick me up, weirdo!  And who texts to “bring all your friends”?!  That’s rude and obnoxious.  And off-putting.  I don’t have any friends to bring, THANK YOU.  I mean, part of me feels like I should have just brushed it off and stood up for myself with a sassy text back like “what??  no, i’m not bringing my friends.  and can you pick me up?”  Looking back, it wouldn’t have been that bad to do that.  But in the moment, I just felt a little bad and a little mad at him for putting me in that position, so I boycotted.  So I stayed home and watched The Shawshank Redemption (I know, who stays in on a Friday night and watches the effing Shawshank Redemption… how much more strange and pathetic can you get?)

Then I went to New Hampshire for the weekend.

Then I went to Texas for work.

Then I rented my apartment.

…

I RENTED MY APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, right?  SO EXCITING!!!  It happened when I was in Texas for work in the beginning of the week… out of nowhere, someone I showed it to earlier in the week ACTUALLY followed through, passed his credit check, and BAM.  Handed over the keys on Wednesday and got released from my lease.  I really can’t even believe it.  It was immediately like someone lifted the giant sack of depressing shit off my shoulders and I could breathe again.  I can’t wait until the stress of that situation and its effect on my life the past two months is nothing but a distant memory.

So renting the apartment on Wednesday immediately spurred another chain of events… the random dinner party.  I decided that there needed to be a champagne toast to celebrate.  So, somehow, this champagne toast turned into me buying 6 bottles of wine and champagne and deciding I needed to make a huge spread of food.  OK.  Sure.  Sometimes I don’t even know where I get these ideas.

Luckily… I totally pulled it off.  It was a great night, if I do say so myself.  Me, Shorty, Big Mo, NMT (I know, weird that he came, but whatever… I think we’re just headed towards friendship which is cool with me), TF, and TF’s roommate sat around my coffee table (I am currently sans dining room or kitchen table) and ate and drank our hearts out.  And of course, toasted me.  Naturally.  Many props to Shorty for coming home from work and finding me up to my elbows in food I don’t know how to make and saving my ass.

Of course, I drank WAY too much.  I think by the end of the night I was actually breaking glass I was so stumbly.  Classy.  So Thursday was my planned day to update my blog with all this information, but I was so hungover, I thought I was actually going to throw-up on my double boss.  I ended up going home early and sleeping it off all night.  It was terrible.  I haven’t felt that hungover since college.  I would feel worse about it, but I was celebrating something so what the hizzy.

So, apologies for not keeping you up-to-date, blogsters.  I have learned my lesson; and for your patience, you get a prize.

Yes, that’s right.  A prize.  A friggin amazing prize.  A first for this blog.  A chance to decide for yourselves (as requested) if I look like Serena or not, and to judge my hair (among other things) once and for all.  Deep breath.  Here we go:

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